And it wasn't till today that I was okay with not being okay, which led to me feeling okay!
This revelation came after instinctively buying tampons and chocolate. Those were the only things in my basket, and I didn't even realise until I'd got home. The cashier didn't even give me funny looks. That's when it dawned on me. Everyone gets sad, sad enough to buy chocolate and tampons. And often enough for a cashier not to give a crap about it.
Everyone always champions happiness. Happy this, happy that, you must be happy because happy is the only way, HAPPY FEET! You know what, give me a good bout of self-pity and ugly face crying every now and again. This isn't to say that being happy isn't great, but it wouldn't be anything without the shitty bits in-between. No one ever learnt to not touch a hot oven by not doing it. And this can be said with 100% accuracy that no one has ever got over a broken heart by being a constant ball of eye-searing sunshine.
Heartbreak is a funny thing, it happens
more than you think. A
five-year-old girl loses her favourite toy rabbit somewhere between her
last tantrum and the supermarket. To her, this is the greatest loss she has
ever known, nothing could have prepared her for this. Of course after the sobs,
she will be consoled; there will be a new bunny . But for that moment in time,
her heart broke. Snap. And no one thinks she's being ridiculous, childish maybe, but she'll get sympathy. An adult wouldn’t lose a toy rabbit; an
adult wouldn’t have one to lose. They’ve moved on the bigger things, bigger
worries. Bigger heartbreak!
Of course there are the in-between phases, I don't have a serious job or a committed relationship and certainly wouldn't be classed as an adult. But heartbreak can strike at any time, like an ill advised haircut, lingering for a long time until you've let it grow out go.
Recently I had my heartbroken by a friend, and was completely blind sighted. And after the customary exchange of expletives and angry texts, and the obligatory cry in the toilets; came the people that didn't mind me being sad. That understood that sometimes the only thing to do is be upset and act like a five-year-old that had just lost her bunny.
It's my life and I'll cry if I want to, and won't deny when I want to!
So this is a shout out to sadness, but most importantly those who understand it. The shoulders, arms, bodies, faces of the people who make being sad bearable. Because making it through sadness it the happiest thing of all.
Peace and blessings, Lx
(My bunny is safely at home in bed with me right now)